Change – people say this as if it’s a dirty word. And for some people, it really can be. Change can be messy, frustrating, annoying, uncomfortable, scary or worst of all, painful.
Here’s thing about change – it is a constant, active process happening all the time, all around the world.
Oxford defines “change” as “making something or someone different;” “alter” or “modify”. It’s a shift in some other direction than the current one. Change happens on a global scale (hello pandemic), country scale, community scale and even at home.
And change also happens within you. For some, change can be uncomfortable, but okay. And for others, like you, change is a daunting process. Because the beliefs you have about change keep you stuck. Which one of the following beliefs about change are you stuck on?
You don’t know what you want.
Sometimes change is hard because you don’t really know what you want. It can be so confusing to pick out what you want most. Heck, sometimes I struggle with figuring out what’s for lunch and that’s a meal. lol If you’ve read my story, you’ll know it took me over a year to choose a program to complete my bachelor’s degree and 13 YEARS to decide what my business would be. Change can be agonizing!
You don’t get a ready instruction guide on how to figure out what you want. And even if you have a way to do that, that’s when your brain gets to work with some of these other beliefs below.
You don’t have time.
Ah, nothing like the construct of time to stop you.
There’s work, home, family and social obligations (yes, even with the pandemic). You’ve got alot of responsibilities on your plate.
And those responsibilities take up your time.
And with everything going on during pandemic time, it feels exhausting to go through yet another change. Even if it’s one that you really want – like going back to school, getting healthier or starting a business. Because you just don’t see a way to fit it all in. And not seeing that way, can get in the way.
Yup, good old fashioned fear is one MAJOR reason why we don’t like change. You’ve no idea or guarantee of any outcome – even if you want something so bad you can taste it. Or don’t think you’re good enough. Or that you don’t have what it takes. Or you don’t want to make a mistake.
But, here’s the thing: Fear is a feeling. One measly feeling that gets overwhelming fast!
It also shows up in the most interesting ways. When you figure out how to work through that fear, it will no longer be in charge and keep you from doing what YOU want.
You don’t have support.
Lack of support is another big reason why change is so effing hard.
You don’t have a caring person in your life to cheer you on. Someone who will celebrate your wins and lament the losses.
Its’s SO important because this person (or people) can remind you why you wanted to start doing things differently. Or simply listen to you vent about how challenging the process is for you.
When you don’t have support, the uphill climb to do things differently can be extremely hard.
You don’t know much about your brain.
Wait, what, Heiddi?
Yes, change is so effing hard because of what happens in the brain.
When you’re attempting ANY change in behavior – you are causing different parts of your brain to communicate differently. It’s neuroplasticity. When changing your behavior, you’re learning a new way of doing something. And changing your brain at the same time. We tend not to take into account how the brain’s processes affects the ability to change. Biologically, you have the capacity and capability to actually change your brain. But, how?
You’re constantly overthinking.
Regular thinking is productive and solution-focused. Overthinking isn’t.
You know what this feels like – tons of thoughts swirling around your brain. Each one connecting to another and another and ANOTHER.
It’s that rabbit hole or train that takes off flying at a thousand miles per hour.
It’s so hard to think about even the next baby step when you’re stuck in that pattern. Slowing down the thoughts can feel IMPOSSIBLE. Ugh!
You think you need motivation to change.
Motivation is a myth!
Waking up in the morning brings dread for some people because they think they need this all-powerful and elusive thing – MOTIVATION.
The reason to act. Except, if you wait for motivation to come, you’ll wait for a looooong time. Because it doesn’t show up simply because you want it. Bummer, no?
An amazing coach I follow, Mel Robbins, says stop waiting for motivation and launch yourself. Her book The 5 Second Rule is a great way to get yourself going instead of waiting around for motivation to show up.
Yes, change is effing hard, but it isn’t impossible. You CAN make things happen for yourself. I have unwavering faith that you CAN do the things you most want to do. I did and I believe you can, too!
Let me know in the comments, which one of these reasons keeps you stuck where you are? I’d love to know!