Evolution: Heiddi 2.0

Evolution?

I should say so. After a year-long hiatus preceded by a two year hiatus, you figure why do I keep doing this to myself? Haven’t I figured out what I’ve wanted to do yet?

Frankly, no. Here I am a college graduate and bilingual licensed mental health counselor working with low-income families in New York City. As of 2011, when I received my licensure, I also accomplished my goals. Which is an amazing feeling and a proud moment for me.

Turning Point

But, with all my accomplishments and achieved goals as of 2011, comes what next? For the past few years, I’ve been trying to find out. I’ve reduced a lot of my extra-curricular activities such as playing guitar at my local church (12 years), paid blogging (6 years) and writing in general (too many years to count).

Self-Evaluation

I’ve been spending more time in self-evaluation mode while also prepping for the arrival of my second son, Benjamin who arrived on June 21, 2014. Yes, Andy’s a big brother now and I’m still the single mom of now two amazing boys. I’m a very happy mom.

While being a proud mom is great, I still have goals simmering within me waiting to be unleashed in the world. I’ve found that I need to set new goals and discover new passions.

IMG-20120607-00467

What I hope to share on this website is positivity and wellness – whether I’m writing about mental health or the simple things that bring me joy. I’d like to keep writing and sharing these with you.

The Heiddi 2.0 Evolution is here – will you join me?

Depressurizing

I wasn’t sure if the title was even a real word, but on Free Dictionary depressurization is defined as such:

tr.v. de·pres·sur·ized, de·pres·sur·iz·ing, de·pres·sur·iz·es

To reduce the pressure of air or gas within (a chamber or vehicle, for example).
 
The pressure is my life and the chamber is my brain. I’ve been feeling under pressure over several things going on in my life. Dysfunctional relationships (both near and far), limbo at the day job and generally overthinking things has all been affecting my writing. I’ve been talking about writing, but not doing it lately.
 
Other than the posts for the parenting site, I’ve not done much. Not even journaling. After a rough start to my morning (thanks to one dysfunctional relationship) I began journaling. I can’t say enough how great it is to get the junk out of my head and onto the screen. My innermost thoughts are exposed (though only to me) and I feel lighter already.
By finally writing about all the crap taking up space in my brain I feel better able to focus on where my writing (and the rest of my life) will go.
 
Depressurizing has really helped me today and inspired me to write a post for The Freshman Writer. Happy writing for me!
 

Ch-Ch-Changes & hot topics!

Hello all. I’ve decided recently to be more proactive here on my blog by expanding my subject range and writing about hot topics in my life.

As I have more time on my hands lately, I’ve chosen to keep busy by writing regularly here or at the very least once a week or so.

That being said, thanks so much for keeping up with me as I’ve struggled for the last several months with writer’s block. My hope with changing the mood here is to keep my writing fresh with news of the day, week or simply anything that I’m thinking about. Feel free to come by to visit, comment, or suggest topic ideas. I hope you like what you read here and keep sticking by me.

Thanks!

Not Writing much

Yesterday was “I love Writing Day” (November 15). Haven’t been writing much lately except for the day job. I haven’t been loving writing lately either. Between work and issues with kiddo (and his father), my writing muse hasn’t shown up much. I think she decided to take a vacation without telling me. Not very nice of her.

Then again, I’ve not been making the effort to write-through my negativity. My journal has been collecting dust in my bedroom instead of being pressed in my fingers while I write down all of my thoughts and feelings. So I haven’t had a place to put all of the crap I’ve been dealing with. And that has not been good for me either because (therapist talking here), my negative thoughts get stuck in my head and have no place to put them.

In this way, my writing has suffered so much. Simply because I’ve been ignoring my inherent need to write. Even my negative thoughts. Time to get back on track and be good to my writer-self and my muse.

Btw, still writing for Momslikeme.com and Naptime Stories. I like the new blog and love the focus on parenting. My blogs go up on Fridays so I get to cap off each week. lol Look for me there if you like.

Chugging Along

Well, October was pretty good for me. Got a new blogging job while maintaining the one I already have, plus my dayjob and kiddo. I’m pretty proud of myself. The new blogging gig is a parenting site and right up my alley.

I’m blogging more and more now and it’s starting to feel like this is my niche. Blogging is a great avenue for me as a writer. Not only do I keep the writing short, but my work is usually up in a few days, which is great for me because I like instant gratification. lol

My goals are to keep blogging/writing regularly as well as to plan out my editorial calendar for the month so that I can keep up. I felt a bit stuck today and I don’t like the feeling.

Also, it’s National Novel Writing Month. I chose not to participate this year since it was a disaster for me last year. My dayjob craziness took over to the point that I stopped writing for months. So, I’m cheering on my writer pals taking on the NaNoWriMo challenge this year! Way to go peeps! Freshman Writers can read about it here.

Other than my writing goals, I also have a studying goal. I’m studying to pass the exam to be a licensed mental health counselor. Since I’m doing this, I really need to be on top of my writing. That’s all folks!

Centering myself

Well, I’ve decided to come back here to let you know what I’ve been up to. For a long time, it wasn’t writing, but my dayjob that took all of my energy and focus. That and my sleep and appetite along with it. Now that things have settled down dramatically, I’ve been able to get back into writing again.

So far, I’ve written two blogposts for Women on writing (WOW) as part of my internship with them. Also, I’ve done a few posts for Flaimahmy.com. Little by little I’ve been stretching myself and my writing. Happy to share the news that I applied to another blogging job and got it last week! So, I’ll be working on posts for that as well. In addition to the blogging, I’m still a discussion leader for Momslikeme.com. Hoping that my writing will continue to bloom.

So far, the blogging seems to be my niche since I’ve been doing it for the past two years. Two years since this blog and the Freshman Writer have been up and running. So happy anniversary to my portfolio and The Freshman Writer. Thanks so much for coming along for the ride!

 

My Struggle with Self-doubt

Hola people. Hope this finds you well and much better than I’ve been in the last several months. My last post here was ages ago and unfortunately, my joy did not last very long.

Since April of this year, I’d been struggling at my current day job (which is highly stressful and taxing physically, emotionally and mentally) with all of the responsibilities that weighed heavily on my shoulders. It led to my irregular eating and sleeping habits, which left me 12 lbs lighter and sleep-deprived.

I also must add that the emotional and mental toll didn’t make my outlook any better. Because I felt ineffective and without control at my dayjob, that also funneled down to my writing.

My spirit took a battering over the last few months, leaving me doubtful of any talent (counseling or writing) I have. So, I took the break from writing. I got off the blogs, stopped tweeting (OMG! I know) and disconnected really from the computer. It was a needed break that I didn’t allow myself.

I allowed myself not to be a writer for a while and try to remember why I wanted to write (and counsel) in the first place. I also took the time to reflect on my spirituality and counted my blessings again. I’m looking more and more for the positive and have been reaching out to other writers and motivators to help me get back on track.

I’ve recruited a great friend to be my accountability partner and ask me about my writing. She did and so I had to report what I’d done so far and what I’d be doing tonight. lol It was great and not so great at the same time. Great because she was checking up on me and not, because she was checking up on me.

I connected with a few mentors about my situation and received so much support an understanding. I also decided to take baby steps by journaling semi-regularly as well as writing down random thoughts that I had along the way. It’s helped too that I put my writing journal back in my purse where it belongs. No more excuses, I’m writing again.

I’m reading “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch to remind me of my dreams and why I set out to write/counsel. I’ll be giving it a long, thorough read-through this time around.

While I still have doubt, it’s no longer the big monster that loomed over my head before this weekend. Hopefully, I can keep the doubts away by connecting with my writer pals/mentors, being held accountable by my friend, remembering my dreams and of course, writing.

Til next time!

Joy and how I found it again

This week’s Prosperous Writer newsletter by Christina Katz asked its readers to talk about joy. I had to stop and think for a while on this because I forgot when I lost my joy.

I know that my highly stressful day job worked me to the bone, kept me from spending quality time with kiddo and got me into easy spats with my son’s father. When the usual case was for me to be a trooper and joyfully live well, it just wasn’t so from April through the first week of June.

Thanks to the advice of my wonderful pastor, I went to a weekend retreat for women in Riverdale, NY. Yes, still in the Bronx, but far enough for me to find my joy again. A weekend for me to breathe, not worry about kiddo or cooking and sleeping in a box big enough to hold a twin-sized bed, simple desk and sink.

I had time to separate myself from those things that were stealing my joy primarily the day job, not sleeping or eating well and not spending enough time with my favorite kid in the whole wide world. It was enough for me to be joyful again. Not necessarily well-rested or with a hearty appetite again, but enough to make some changes. Looking for a new job and spending time away from the computer until I found the joy again in writing, which I had also lost as a result of the stress from the job.

The only writing I did over the weekend was journaling my thoughts and conversations with God. Complaining of course, but also to ask what was the point of all of this for me. Regardless of the answer, I was able to hear and accept it with a joyful, open heart.

That first weekend in June allowed me to regain a sense of appreciation for everything in my life and allowed me space from the joylessness of my job. Joy is about being able to laugh in the midst of hard times and remembering why I’m doing the things that I do. Remembering that I want to help others through counseling as well as through writing and remembering that my child brings me joy.

I had forgotten that in the midst of the chaos of several weeks and reconnected with my spirit. By doing so, I was able to let go of a lot of anger and negativity. And recuperated my joy. Joy in myself, my writing and my life.

I’m getting back to basics

Or at least trying to. I’ve been awol from writing for a couple of months. I’ve been waiting on inspiration and so I wrote about getting back to what it is about writing that writers like. I came up with great questions. I know why I like to write. It gets out all this stuff floating around in my head. And I like helping others as well. Still evaluating and processing. No goals for now other than to get back to basics so I can get back to writing.