Intimate Partner Violence, Part I

Ever since the Grammy awards aired, I’ve seen several instances in the media where Chris Brown is bashed. It has happened via tweets, news reports and at concerts. While everyone is certainly entitled to an opinion, I think this has gone very far.

Even now, as Rihanna & Chris have released new music together – with Brown being called various names and Rihanna being called “stupid” for even considering this – I’m compelled to share my perspective on this subject.

I’m a therapist by profession and working in this field has taught me a great deal about domestic or intimate partner violence.

Some stats to reflect on (regarding teen violence):

(Unless otherwise noted, the following data in this section are from a Liz Claiborne, Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, March 2006)

  • Half of teens (50%) reported they’ve been in a dating relationship and nearly a third (32%) said they’ve been in a serious relationship.
  • 1 in 3 teenagers in a serious relationship reported that they’ve been concerned about being hurt physically by a boyfriend or girlfriend. One out of five of these teens say they have actually been hit, slapped, or pushed by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

These are probably numbers that have been mentioned in the past. One thing that has not been talked about is how to heal every person affected by Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). The people targeted for assistance are the victims and the children from those relationships. One person often left out of this is the abuser.

Society has taught us that violence on any level is wrong and that the person committing those acts are “bad people.” We have also been taught that there is no redemption for these people. And that if a victim returns to his/her abusive partner, the victim is “stupid.” Society then “reabuses” the victim for that choice. And the abuser gets a backlash from family and/or friends and may lose relationships because of the abuse.

Would you be willing to get help if you knew someone would call you stupid because of your choices? How would you be able to focus on your healing if you are constantly barraged with negativity?

As a professional trained in the social services field, healing can only come if all people affected by IPV are helped – not just the victim and/or children, but also the abuser. There are people that want to change; those that want to continue the relationship; those that are willing to do the work to change patterns of behavior. Even abusers.

In NYC, where I live, there is only one program aimed at helping men working to be non-abusers. Seeing as many families are affected by intimate partner violence, more services need to be in place to help every person in the family, especially if the parents want to stay together. *Please note intimate partner affects people of all races, ages, socioeconomic status and sexual orientation*

I am aware that change is very hard, indeed, I know it is given my professional field of choice. And intimate partner violence happens very often. What I also know is that all people who are willing and open to seek help should get it. And they should be given unconditional love and support simply because change is so hard.

Go here to find more information on Intimate Partner Violence in NYC.

Go here to find more information on Intimate Partner Violence nationwide.

Level 0: Heiddi has no significant relationship with any product, service or brand mentioned in this post.